Fathering Time

I am growing older. faster so. it appears. sometimes I believe it to be a thing of becoming older; to feel as if time has slipped and becoming old is frightening because all things must pass and the wear on the body takes its toll.
the idea of death distorts many minds to believe there was never enough time left. the fear of losing it renders it sacred. aside from age, the freedom to experience without boundaries expresses time as lost in the moments. my qualm is the perception of it all. I'm fairly young. why is it that I feel like an old soul? why is it that I feel so bored with what a majority of my peers are doing? why do i feel so lost as to why i'm existing? why does time seem to be working against me? I'm missing a connection and i seek to remedy it. maybe i'm meeting a connection and i'm confused by it. i've been hanging my personal perceptions on the life line out the country side and have stepped away from a city of dogma, high technology, money and aggressive attitudes. the human potential speaks to me.
i believe i've spent time over indulging and intoxicated with popular culture, sugar, alcohol, music, drugs, social media, sex and social structures designed and built to distract me from something more deeply rooted. i feel i'm surrounded by participants that blindly take more than they give, slowly reducing the world and many of its inhabitants into selfish, oblivious individuals.
everything was created by thought; the table before me, the language i communicate in, the money i trade, the structure of society, the levels of feeling in association with words among many things. i'm surrounded by thoughts of many people through the ages that have survived time. who's to say i couldn't be me with my own thoughts; to lose sight of everything before me externally and internally and exist on a world full of nature unobstructed by modern human nature. i see man as gods coexisting with nature amongst his fellow people and in tune with the ways of the universe, capable of things beyond the wild imagination.